fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
