mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
