You just made me feel so damn special
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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