We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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