Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
