im drinking this country out of the recession.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize