You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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