i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
