shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
