and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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