Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
