that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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