This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
