All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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