when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
