Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
