i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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