Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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