note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
