My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
