just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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