He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
