You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
