It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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