Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
