He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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