he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
