the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
