Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
