I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
