And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
