It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
