It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
