before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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