i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
