you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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