I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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