I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
