I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
