I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
