nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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