there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize