a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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