Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
