she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
