hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
