Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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