my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw a hot homeless man
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
