i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
