It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
