Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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