I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
