I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
