is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
