i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
