i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
