I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My ATM looks so different sober.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
