Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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