wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize