wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
