Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
