Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
