im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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