Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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