dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
