You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
