Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
