Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
