i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
are you so shy because you have an std?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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