We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
