When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
