Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
