Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
