hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
