I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We were destined to go to rehab together
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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