I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
