Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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